Thursday, July 6, 2017

ASSUME NOTHING

I recently asked a young friend of mine what she thought was something all of us could do to help make this world a better place for all of us. She was quick to reply that she felt we should stop assuming things And I have to agree with her on that one. Because often times assuming something creates all kind of trouble and hardships. Hurt feelings, misunderstandings, even hatred and resentment at times. Assumption can ruin a relationship in the wink of an eye it seems. Let's take a quick look at how assuming things may cause some of these ills between two friends say, or maybe between lovers, neighbors, or anyone else we share our lives with. Here's a quick example of what I am talking about. Let's say a wife calls her husband at work to see what time he is going to be home for dinner. During the conversation she tells him they are out of milk. Having told him that she now assumes he will stop at the market on the way home and pick some up. But he doesn't do it. Now once home the wife asks; "Where's the milk?" "I didn't know you wanted me to get any" he replies. "Well, I told you we were out so I thought you'd be good enough to stop and get some." "Sorry" he replies. But by now the wife is upset and says something like "If you would listen more closely to me when I'm talking I wouldn't always have to ask you to do things for me. You could try doing things that way for a change instead of always only thinking of yourself!" Now that she has managed to get herself all worked up the husband now begins to take offense to some of the things she is saying. So now he becomes angry. Then he yells at her; "What's for dinner? I'm starving!" "Well," she says; We were going to have chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy but since I don't have any milk I may just not cook anything!"  Angrily the husband slams the door as he leaves the house to go pick up the damned milk at the corner grocery. Upon returning he sets the milk down on the table  and says; "Ok Are you happy now?" The wife looks at the milk and says; "This isn't the kind of milk we use." He replies;"Well, Why in the hell didn't you tell me what kind to get?" Her reply?;"Well, I assumed you knew the right kind to get!" Now both of them, angry and frustrated, just go on to bed. Well, actually he is going to sleep on the sofa tonight! And neither one of them wound up getting any dinner at all! And you know how one feels when they go to bed angry? Not very good I imagine. Now mind you, this is just one quick example of what can happen when we assume anything. Especially when we assume what someone else is thinking or what their actions really imply. I have heard it put this way; When you assume you make an ASS(out of) U and ME. I think my young friend is right on. We all need to stop assuming anything. That will be a  good start of building better relationships anyway.

4 comments:

deepian said...

"When you assume you make an ASS(out of) U and ME" - ha ha - I love it!

The simple "typical-male" mind will just say "can you buy some milk?", also specifying the precise type of milk if that matters to him. Whereas the complex "typical-female" mind will say "we are out of milk", making the assumption that the male will make the connection that she wants him to buy it, and somehow intuit how much she wants and what type - even though he will almost certainly have failed to make such connections many times before.. Don't overestimate your man!

I am Asperger, and we Aspies are even more literal-minded - almost anything that is not clear and straightforward will be ignored or misinterpreted. Isn't it funny the games that we all play with each other?

PS - Ron - I have been enjoying your blogs, even though I often don;t take the time to comment. Please keep up the good work. All the best to you and yours, from rainy Edinburgh.

captron52 said...

Hey Ian Great to see you again! Sure hope all is well with you and yours these days. So good to know you enjoy the blogs. I'm getting older now and just don't have the "Passion" to write as I once did! But I do manage to jot down my thoughts from time to time. Thank you for stopping by for the visit. Always so nice to hear from an old friend! Much love to you and yours as always!

Christopher Dos Santos said...

Namaste brother Ronnie;

thanks for the fun post. Seemed like you were once a fly on my kitchen wall. All kidding aside, effective communication goes a very long way toward easy living.

Sometimes we even fail to see how we assume we know what is happening in our own life. I can recall many times where I assumed I knew the reason for a life event, only to discover a deeper meaning at a later date.

Always a pleasure to share in your meanderings brother, take care.

In Lak'ech, prosper with communication... live with clarity...

captron52 said...

Just please be careful with that fly swatter Christopher!